Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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