Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
