Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
