ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
