Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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