YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
my penis made a compromise with my morals
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
