I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
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I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
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I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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