So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
