i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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