his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You ruined the universe
Randomize
