I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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