Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
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She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
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I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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