What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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