I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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