I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
