Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
