I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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