We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
