He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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