just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
