Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
