he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
