Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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