This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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