Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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