ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
you will always have a special place in my vag
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
