Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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