So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Ladies don't puke and tell
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
