There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
party gras won. party gras always wins.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Randomize
