I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
