Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
