I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
