Don't you send me to vm
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
