I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
