Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
NoShamevember. You game?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
