He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize
