dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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