I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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