So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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