Midget sex pt 2 tonight
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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