just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
