He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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