i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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