I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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