This dress was meant to end up on your floor
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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