I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
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