i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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