Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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