That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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