Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
