i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
