Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
