a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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