Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
