I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
