just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
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I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
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He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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