She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
