I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
