Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Randomize
