You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
