My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
