mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
