dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
My ass is underappreciated
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
