Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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