So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
