would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
