I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
