Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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