I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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