8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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