The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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