Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
