i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
