He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
