I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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