What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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