I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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