the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I see more hoeing in ur future
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