You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize