do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
