There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
