When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
